The Case of the Reluctant Confirmand
“Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”
May 4, 1980
I have a mystery. There were thirty-two boys and girls who took part in our confirmation- membership training course this year. But each time I counted the number of people who were growing in their faith and learning more about life as Christ's person in the world, I came up with at least 33 people. How do you get 33, 34, or 39 confirmands out of 32? I almost called Columbo or Barnaby Jones in on the case, but I decided I knew the solution. That is, if I would face it. I was the 33rd Confirmand. And I think I can take the liberty of saying the other six adults who worked with the youth raised the number to 39. As we tried to help the youth learn more about being God's person and church, they taught us a thing or two.
This really shouldn't come as any surprise to us. After all, most of us have known Jesus' words about children all of our lives: "Unless you become as a child, you cannot live in God's kingdom. "Unfortunately, judging by the way many of us adults act, we have misunderstood what Jesus was saying. He didn't say act "childish". Too bad, if he had said act childish, then a lot of us would have it made. (I'm sure my wife would like me to practice what I preach with this point.) No, Jesus said "as a child."
What did he mean? What is it about children that teach us about life, even life as God wants us to live it? What is it about them that makes us reluctant confirmands, learning from the ones we presume to teach. Here, Jesus does it to us again. In his wonderful but bewildering way, he shows us which direction to go in, but he refuses to do our thinking for us. Jesus is like that. He gives us the clue: it's in the child. But then he forces us to discover what about the child brings us closer to God and closer to a life that is worth living.
Baced on my experience with our 32 confirmands, nine years of on-the-job training as a parent, some Bible study, and some general living, I would like to share some of my hunches about what Jesus meant with you. And before I give you my positive suggestions, I want to eliminate one often offered suggestion. Jesus did not mean for us to become sweet little angels. The reason I say this is because children aren't always sweet little angels. At least the ones at my house aren't. When they're good, they are very good. But when they're bad – cranky, cruel, selfish, and/or rude, not to mention sneaky – well, they are very bad. We will do well, I think, then to eliminate the sentimentalizing and sugarizing of children of which we are often guilty.
CHILDREN ASK QUESTIONS. I think we are on the wrong track when we interpret Jesus' words about being like children to mean that we ought to have blind, unquestioning faith. Have you ever met a kid who blindly and unquestioningly accepts much of anything? No. One who does wouldn't be worth his salt or bubblegum. Children aren't afraid or embarrassed unless and until we make them to ask multitudes of questions.
On an average day, my children have the capacity to ask me more questions than I ever have the time or intelligence to answer. When Alyce, who is being confirmed today, was 4 or 5, she asked: "Does heaven have a floor?" After sputtering with the question for a while, I asked her why she wanted to know. She said, "Oh, I just wondered if people there could look down and see us." It seems to me that the child's openly asked questions about 'what's there" after death are not far from our hidden adult questions regarding "is there a there or anything" after death.
It is sad that we adults as we grow older ask less and less questions. It is not because we have all the answers. It's because we are embarrassed to admit what we don't know. It’s because we become lazy and complacent about things that really matter in life. And then we wonder why life is so boring and empty. It's because we are afraid some of the questions and answers might force us to do some changing with our relationship to God, to others, and with ourselves.
The people who have helped me confirm my faith in God and myself have not been those who cockily claimed to have all the answers. It has been the people who were willing to ask the hard questions about life, who were willing to pray, study, and struggle with them. Some examples: Is there a God? How can God love us and let such painful things happen on earth? Can God really forgive and take away the pain and guilt I feel about that secret something about me that I can hardly admit to myself? Am I really doing what I know is right in relation to God, my loved ones, my fellow humans, myself? What is my responsibility for hungry, hurting people in the world? These kinds of questions, when honestly asked and struggled with, will not break a faith. They will make a faith. Perhaps, not without bruises and pain, but they will help you forge a faith that can take the heat. And if you don't already know it, the heat will inevitably come in life. It may be your health taking a nosedive, your marriage on the skids, or your faith in yourself shaken. Whatever, it will come. God, give us the courage to ask and live the questions. Because the questions bring the answers and they bring God's help for the unanswerable questions.
CHILDREN ASK FOR HELP. As independent and "I want to do it by myself" as children are, they know when to ask for help. When a kid falls and bruises his/her knee, they don't suck in their gut and pretend it doesn't hurt. They cry. They go to someone – you if you are lucky – for a band-aid, for time in a lap, and a kiss. And that helps make it better.
How strange, we adults decide somewhere along the line that it isn't appropriate to cry and ask for help when, if not your knee, your heart is skinned. Indeed, instead of asking for help, when things go sour, we often just do what we are doing more so. The workaholic man begins to notice a feeling of emptiness and pointlessness about all his busy-ness with business. What does he do? He works harder. All the while he wonders why things aren't getting better, why his wife and family seem so distant. The parent who takes a hard line with his or her child becomes upset when the child grows resentful and hard to manage. What does the parent do? He or she gets tougher and wonders why the gap between the child and him/herself widens. A person feels guilty for some secret act or failure to act. What does he/she do? They work on it by thinking about it, worrying about it, and fretting about it even more. Like a piece of grisly meat, the guilt and shame just get bigger.
All the while, there are those around who would be willing to listen and help if we would simply admit we need help and ask for it. God uses all sorts of people to listen to us, to love us, and to help us deal with what is bothering us. Wives, husbands, children, parents, friends, lovers, ministers, doctors, counselors, neighbors and on the list goes. Whether you go directly to God through prayer, reflection, and worship or whether you go to the people he uses to get his help to you, help is there. Yet you have to be not man enough but CHILD ENOUGH to ask for help.
There is an old story about a man who dreamed he got a preview of hell. He found himself in a large cave filled with all sorts of food. The people there, however, were hungry and crying. They had large, arm length forks and spoons lashed to their arms. Bound such, they could not bend their arms to feed themselves. The man awoke startled by his dream. After a while, he went back to sleep. This time he dreamed he went to heaven. Again he found himself in a large cave packed with luscious foods. Again he saw people with the giant eating utensils on their arms. But this time the people were laughing, happy, and well fed. They were feeding each other.
There are some things in life we cannot do for ourselves. We must have the love, help, and forgiveness of God and others. All sorts of help and joy enter human lives when as children we ask God and others for help. It's not magic or painless. It is just the way God put life together.
CHILDREN CAN SEE WHAT IS IN FRONT OF THEIR FACE. I want to tell you about a little girl named Audrey who lives in Birmingham. Audrey is about 5 now. She has lovely blond hair and milky white skin. Audrey is also blind and deaf. One day, Audrey's mother told me how much Audrey taught her about what people with sight miss. She said, "Audrey notices so many things I miss. When I take her outside, she becomes ecstatic with the sensation of the wind blowing across her face. She opens her mouth, laughs, and holds out her hands to feel the rush of air. Before I had Audrey, I never paid attention to the breeze unless to fuss about it messing up my hair. She has taught me to pay attention.” Jesus knew what he was talking about. Sometimes it takes the blind to see for us and the child to lead the adult.
We adults usually work this way: if I can figure out what happens at death and after, if I can really believe that I can trust God with my dying, then I will be able to let go and enjoy my life now. The trouble is that life doesn't always work that way. You have got to first trust God with your living before you can trust him with your dying. We become so worried about whether we can trust God with the then and there that we miss the evidence he gives us for trusting him in the here and now. Look at the lilies of the field and the birds of the air, says Jesus. See how beautifully God fashioned them. Can't you trust your life to the care of a God who deals so wonderfully with the incidentals of creation.
Pick up your child's science book and read even a sixth grade account of the workings of the body and/or the workings of the stars, moons, and planets of the universe. Right there in front of your face in black and white print, if you can't see it firsthand in nature, is evidence we are in the hands and care of a master life giver. The worlds within the cell and the worlds within the universe point not to accident or cosmic joke but to a cosmic heavenly father. Evidence of God's love is in front of your face.
Do a life changing feat. Become like a child. Ask your questions, indeed live them. Don't be afraid to ask God or one of his people's help. And open your eyes and see the evidence of God's love in front of your face. You may just find that God is for real and that he is very close to boot. Amen.